CONTENTS

About This Course

Table of Contents

1. Introduction to the Issues
2. Understanding Alcohol Abuse
3. Understanding Violence Against Women
4. Alcohol and Domestic Violence
5. Alcohol, Sexual Assault, and Rape
6. Prevention and Early Intervention
7. Screening and Assessment
8. Diagnosis and Treatment
9. Legal and Ethical Issues

Supplements
Fact Sheets
Videos
Resources

Silence Hurts
Alcohol Abuse and Violence Against Women

Guidelines for Sexual Assault Situations

Professionals work with clients of all ages. If your client finds herself in one of these situations, you can provide these general guidelines. The guidelines come from various sources on battery and sexual assault.^1-3

Someone tries to force you to have sex.

• Stay calm and think. How serious is this guy? What choices do you have?
• Is it safe to resist? Is he armed? If not, it is better to scream and claw and kick than to beg, cry, or plead. This is because rape is more about power and control than about sex.
• Say "NO" firmly and with force. Do not smile as if you are trying to protect his feelings. Your safety and health are at stake.
• Use the word "rape." Often, upon hearing the word, the attacker will realize what he is doing and stop and flee.
• Take a look at the situation. Can you escape? Are there people around to help you?
• Find a way to get out. If possible, try to distract him, but always make sure first that he is not armed.
• Do not shout "HELP." Most people will not respond because they do not want to get involved in someone else's business. Shout "FIRE, which will affect people around you as well.
• Lie if you have to. Tell him you have herpes or venereal disease or anything else that he might catch. It may stop him.

You are raped or sexually assaulted.

• Go to a friend's house or someplace where you will feel safe and will not be alone.
• Do not shower or bathe, as physical samples will help identify the attacker or provide evidence if you decide to press charges later. Remember, a woman's alcohol abuse does not justify sexual assault and cannot be used as an excuse in court.
• Seek a doctor's help as soon as possible so pictures can be taken and wounds can be treated.
• Get counseling as soon as possible because it is natural to have a fear of being alone, fear of men, and fear of sexual problems. For a start, you can call the rape crisis hotline in your community. Counseling will help you recover from the ordeal.
• Do not blame yourself. This is the most important thing to remember. The rape was not your fault. Your behavior did not cause it, the rapist did. Alcohol use did not cause it, the rapist did.

A friend or coworker is raped or sexually assaulted and comes to you for help.

• Believe her.
• Be a good listener (see section on how to be a good listener for tips).
• Be supportive. Other people may doubt or blame her. She needs a friend.
• She may or may not want to talk about what happened with someone. Let that be her decision.
• If you are not sure how best to help her, get advice from a rape crisis counselor (see Resources).
• Read a book on surviving rape.
• You may be the first person she told about the rape. Just be there for her.

Your child is raped or sexually assaulted.

• Do not blame her. Rape is never the victim's fault. Most daughters do not tell their parents about rape for fear of their reaction. Be grateful that she trusts you enough to tell you. Be helpful and loving. Never say, "I told you so, which puts your need to be right over her feelings.
• Believe her. Many people will not believe children for various reasons. Let her see and know that you believe her.
• Be supportive. Let her talk when she is ready. Listen to her. There are many things going through her mind and she needs time to sort them out. What she needs is a friend first and a parent second. If she needs to be held, hold her. If she needs to be left alone, respect her privacy.
• Let her make choices. Someone just took control away from her. She needs to be able to make some decisions for herself right now. It may take some time for her to "get back to normal, so respect that time. It is not your place to rush her or to tell anyone else what happened. If you want to press charges, make sure you know what your motivation is. It might not be what is right for your daughter. Try not to "rescue" her from her pain. She needs to find the inner strength to work through what happened. Only in this way will she regain her strength and self-esteem.
• Seek professional advice from a local rape crisis center where you can get help sorting through the confusing feelings you may have.

Your spouse or partner is raped or sexually assaulted.

• Be a friend first. Listen to her and support her. Try to resist giving "solutions" to make things better.
• Leave the choices she makes up to her. Let her regain the control that was recently taken away from her. Let her decide when to talk about what happened and when she is ready to show affection or be intimate or physical.
• Do not rush anything. It takes time to sort through all of the confusing feelings she is having and she needs time, patience, and love.
• Be understanding about intimacy. She may question her attractiveness and feel less of a woman because of what happened. She may not be open to being intimate or physical. Just having your body next to hers may trigger bad memories.
• Be aware of what she is going through. She may experience nightmares and intense bad memories. She may have trouble sleeping or start feeling depressed. She may blame herself for what happened.
• Get support for yourself. You may find the need to talk with a rape crisis counselor to understand more about what happened and what you can do. Try not to take any anger out on her. She needs you to be loving and patient, not distant. You may feel guilt about what happened. That is normal. If you have a problem with someone else "having been with her, talk to a counselor about it.

Your mother is raped or sexually assaulted.

• Believe her. Just because a woman may be older does not mean she does not know what is going on around her. She needs to know you support her and will care for her.
• Try to listen to her. It is easy to try to fix things as fast as possible, but sometimes it is better to just stop and listen first to what she is feeling. She needs a friend first and a child second.
• Try to allow her to regain control over her life, even if it means the smallest thing like choosing her own outfit or talking when she is ready. She is scared. Her control and power were taken away from her. She needs time to regain them.
• Do not blame her for what happened. Avoid saying, "Well, if only you had." She is probably feeling ashamed as it is. Your blame will only make things worse and make it harder for her to heal.
• Seek professional help for yourself and your mother if she is willing. You may feel helpless and angry and want to take over. Try to deal with those feelings with a professional and not expect your mother to deal with them.

Source:

1. National Woman Abuse Prevention Project, "Helping the Battered Woman: A Guide for Family and Friends, 1997.
2. Rape101.com, 2001.
3. Oklahoma Coalition Against Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault, Oklahoma, 2000.